Writing a Novel: Planning

Writing a novel is easy (said nobody. Ever.). You sit at the computer and you tear your hair out for about a year - but let's face it, anything up to a lifetime - until you have battered out your masterpiece. It sounds easy in theory and that's why every month, at least one person approaches me and starts a conversation with "I've been meaning to write this book..."

Consider instead that the real reason they haven't written it yet is because it's Goddamned difficult. And, to be honest, it's understandable that not everyone goes through with it. It's one of those dreams that sounds great in theory until it comes to doing the actual work... Anyway, as usual I am getting sidetracked.

I put together this little blog because when I first started novel writing/short story writing I had no idea what do with formatting, no idea how to edit and no idea what was expected of me... well all you lucky people have me so you won't be as lost.

Back to Basics: Novel Planning

OK So forget punctuation, grammar and sentence structure for now. Kill it in the fire. At the moment what we want to look at is overall structure - as if you are starting from complete scratch.

Character V's Plot

This is an ages old argument in the script writing business. What drives your story? Character or plot? The answer is that it doesn't actually matter that much except to you. By appreciating what kind of writer you are you can better learn to play to your own strengths. Personally I am one of those weirdos who writes short's based on plot and novels based on character. I feel that a solid plot can carry a short better than a full length piece and vice versa - but t doesn't need to be that way for you.

You might have an idea for a brilliant character whose skin you want to move inside and whose personality you want to steal. In this case you are a charact3er writer. Start with your imagined friend and envision them in different situations until such times as you hit across an idea that you love. Next develop a beginning, middle and an end of your story then start writing. As a character writer you must not change your characters to fit your plot - and you have to be wary of this as you work.

If you are a plot writer then break the story down into as many sections as possible. Start with a beginning, a middle and an end and break the story down into plot points that you want to reach at particular times. Once you have the story pinned down develop some nice rounded characters to fit in...Always make your characters super interesting and believable. If you are a plot writer then keep constant check on if your characters are real or not.

Spider Diagrams

Make no mistake: Spider Diagrams are the aspiring author's best friend. Write your first plot point in a bubble and surround it with other bubbles that might go alongside it. It works with character too and is a great development tool. You might write your characters name and pick a load of traits they have, then pick a few bad habits, a few good habits, cherished childhood memories - you get the idea.

What If..? 

This is one I learned at University. You start with a vague notion and then you keep asking yourself what if? even if it doesn't make sense. This is a great method for blitzing through ideas when you are stuck linking one plot point to another. For example....

"What if I wrote about a blue man living on Mars; what if that blue man had a space puppy named Dooobaloo? What if the dog bit him one day and, because it is a space puppy, now he is somehow pregnant? What if he shoots the puppy because he is so upset? What if that leaves him all alone in space and without anybody... doesn't that reflect the overarching premise of humanity?"

You follow?

Charting it out...

This is a great trick for when you have to make up a story in an afternoon with no prompting. It is also my favourite trick for building new plots for shorts. You take a sheet of A4 and you separate it into columns .Next, you give each column a title. I might use "Character", "Antagonist" (that's 'bad guy'), "Situation", "Revelation", "Outcome". Similarly if I need more details I will add more columns. Anyway, next go down each column and fill in up to ten different answers for each heading.

Ergo under "Character" I have 5 rows and they look like this:

1970's party girl
London Policeman
Chef de Partie
Suicidal Salesman
Drunkard Bar Owner

And then we move on to the next rows:

Character                                      Antagonist                           Situation

1970's party girl                          Angry clown                          High-end Restaurant
London Policeman                     embarrassing Uncle               summer school
Chef de Partie                             Big Ben                                 Earthquake
Suicidal Salesman                      that nice guy from work        Train Crash
Drunkard Bar Owner                  Santa Claus                            Stranded on a Desert Island

And now all you need to do is mix and match the rows... so we could have a suicidal salesman who is being hounded by Santa Claus while trying to sell the latest high trend kids toy to young children at Summer school... OK, they don't always make sense, but it's fun, fast and gets you out of a fix.

Format

Always format before you start writing. When it comes to short stories follow the Shunn format like everyone else does or your manuscript won't be read. When it comes to your book take a new page for every new chapter, file -> new page-> first page style for the first few pages you don't want to be numbered and pick what size you want your book to be to set the page size. 6" x 9" is normal nowadays.

And that's about all from me today, back to the daily grind of article writing. I hope I have managed to help at least one of you on your story telling journey. Good luck out there, it's tough... but it's totally worth it when you can look someone in the eye and say "Me? I'm a writer."...

So you want to be a writer?

Let's cover something not-so-horror-focused as last time. Let's talk about what it is actually like to work in the industry. I want to troubleshoot a few common misconceptions about what it is I do all day... but let's start from the very beginning.

The very first thing you need to know is that Writer's pay Sucks (<--- notice the capital 'S').

If you happen to be J K Rowling or Stephen King you might be able to pick and choose your rates - but the rest of us seriously struggle to get the rent paid just like everyone else.

Consider this: one single book takes maybe 200 hours to write... and then we place it on Amazon for £5.99 and hope that those who feel sorry for us will buy it. Times that by five or six and take away all of your free time and you are starting to get an idea of what it takes to do this job. And I do mean All of your free time.

Making it (erm...one day)

You need to keep the day job; something menial that lets you dream up new characters based on angry customers or the robot-people who answer the phone to you on a daily basis. When you come home from your day job you have a 3K minimum word limit to break even at the end of the month - but that's only if you are lucky enough to have an editor or be part of a writing team. You can always freelance for clients but it's hard work and it seriously eats into your writing time.

If you want to write your novel you need to do it at the end of the day or in the morning, on top of all that other work, running a household and anything else you do with your life. FYI writer's don't have many hobbies... we can only really afford one at a time.

Editing in a motorhome, on holiday

If this is the life path you choose then be prepared to forego that social life. You will rarely go out - and when you do you are desperate to get home to see what your characters get up to next; or to finish that article about 'best hotel locations in Dubai' (which you couldn't care less about really but which helps buy the electric). Eventually your friends will forget you. They'll stop inviting you out because they know the only way to see you is to drop by your house.

Let's be honest about this: being a writer pays terribly, takes up all of your time, increases loneliness and isolation and basically has you living inside your head the whole time. Then someone tells you that you need an 'online presence' and you just about explode...

Still want to be a Writer?

So, with all that in mind, if you still want to do it or if, like most of us, you just can't stop, then you should probably hit the subscribe button. I get approached about once a fortnight and asked for help and advice on how to become a writer - which I have no problem giving. But when someone takes up your vital writing time because they are more curious than serious it gets a little annoying after a while. Have pity and don't waste your pet writer's time, they have a crapload of work to get through.

If you want to be serious then keep an eye out. In the future I'll be talking about how you go about building that ridiculous online presence mentioned above, how to find work, how to self publish your own stuff and why certain types of 'exposure' are a con. I hope to help you navigate the pitfalls a little, help you stay motivated and maybe give you a glimpse into an industry that is fast becoming bigger than I can keep up with.

I'll also be doing horror stories because, you know... it's me.

This is how Kai tells me to stop for the night