So you want to be a writer?

Let's cover something not-so-horror-focused as last time. Let's talk about what it is actually like to work in the industry. I want to troubleshoot a few common misconceptions about what it is I do all day... but let's start from the very beginning.

The very first thing you need to know is that Writer's pay Sucks (<--- notice the capital 'S').

If you happen to be J K Rowling or Stephen King you might be able to pick and choose your rates - but the rest of us seriously struggle to get the rent paid just like everyone else.

Consider this: one single book takes maybe 200 hours to write... and then we place it on Amazon for £5.99 and hope that those who feel sorry for us will buy it. Times that by five or six and take away all of your free time and you are starting to get an idea of what it takes to do this job. And I do mean All of your free time.

Making it (erm...one day)

You need to keep the day job; something menial that lets you dream up new characters based on angry customers or the robot-people who answer the phone to you on a daily basis. When you come home from your day job you have a 3K minimum word limit to break even at the end of the month - but that's only if you are lucky enough to have an editor or be part of a writing team. You can always freelance for clients but it's hard work and it seriously eats into your writing time.

If you want to write your novel you need to do it at the end of the day or in the morning, on top of all that other work, running a household and anything else you do with your life. FYI writer's don't have many hobbies... we can only really afford one at a time.

Editing in a motorhome, on holiday

If this is the life path you choose then be prepared to forego that social life. You will rarely go out - and when you do you are desperate to get home to see what your characters get up to next; or to finish that article about 'best hotel locations in Dubai' (which you couldn't care less about really but which helps buy the electric). Eventually your friends will forget you. They'll stop inviting you out because they know the only way to see you is to drop by your house.

Let's be honest about this: being a writer pays terribly, takes up all of your time, increases loneliness and isolation and basically has you living inside your head the whole time. Then someone tells you that you need an 'online presence' and you just about explode...

Still want to be a Writer?

So, with all that in mind, if you still want to do it or if, like most of us, you just can't stop, then you should probably hit the subscribe button. I get approached about once a fortnight and asked for help and advice on how to become a writer - which I have no problem giving. But when someone takes up your vital writing time because they are more curious than serious it gets a little annoying after a while. Have pity and don't waste your pet writer's time, they have a crapload of work to get through.

If you want to be serious then keep an eye out. In the future I'll be talking about how you go about building that ridiculous online presence mentioned above, how to find work, how to self publish your own stuff and why certain types of 'exposure' are a con. I hope to help you navigate the pitfalls a little, help you stay motivated and maybe give you a glimpse into an industry that is fast becoming bigger than I can keep up with.

I'll also be doing horror stories because, you know... it's me.

This is how Kai tells me to stop for the night